dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
