I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
