he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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