best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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