Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize