They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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