So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
