apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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