all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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