Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
