She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
