??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
