Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
