It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
