id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
