last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
