Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
