I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
