Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
