Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
