Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize