I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
