I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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