btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
