I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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