apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The air taste purple.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize