I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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