Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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