I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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