A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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