I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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