i love accidental penises.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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