I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
