Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
