im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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