HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
