the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
