...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize