This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
