A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
