MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
