Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
