It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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