i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
