Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
