it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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