Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
