he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
