im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
