I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
