Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
