he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
