I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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