i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
