Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
