my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize