Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
