My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
