I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
