this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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