Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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