so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
