it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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