You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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