I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
