so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
