She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
